Staffing maketh the man ;)

So I overheard this conversation between a pretty young wannabe secretary and a garishly attired man(gentle?) and it ran something like this:Let's call the Guy G and the Lady L. And my thoughts and observations would be starred *like this*

G: So, tell me something about yourself.

L: *fluttering eyelashes* - Well, I can do a lot of things you know. If only you would take me up on your staff, I'd be more than willing to demonstrate it. Sir.

G: Hmm Impressive, you're very direct aren't you?

L: My Mom's taught me the tricks since I was young Sir. That way you know, I'd fit in perfectly in a staff of the stature of ..

G *interrupts* - well all thats fine - Let's see what you can actually do.

L: Like I said Sir, I am very good. I am very flexible. You won't have any fitment problems. I can even show you some of my credentials. Just that I'd rather you let me demonstrate it you know. It might not take more than one working session. You don't even have to worry about fitment. I have been researching about your staff and there's a fair deal of information about it on the internet. I even talked to a few of my secretary friends about it. They all say I will definitely do exciting things once I am on your staff. In fact I am competitive about remuneration too!!

G: *rubbing his hands gleefully* Good Good - I cant wait to rev you up, get you started you know. The last one, she wouldnt even .. wait a minute - the internet... did you say the internet? Information about my staff on the friggin internet? Where? I mean this is the first time I am hearing of something like this. I run the show and I don't even know my staff was interviewed?

*Boyy I didn't know staffs were interviewed either :)* *Am beginning to crack up at this point*

L: Well Sir - that must be a joke. Your staff is pretty famous in the circuit. All those accomplishments. The revenue, the talent, the whole halo around your staff.

*Wow!! An angelic staff now, a magic wand eh?* *Am I perverted or are these people plain obtuse*

G: Whatever. Let's forget about the interview for now. You know, these days, difficult times and all. I have to be honest with you. I like to keep my staff in top shape. Size shouldn't matter. Efficiency should. Any staff worth its salt ought to have the capability to stretch itself, contract, you know - the whole thing about preparing your staff for emergencies..? So.. am talking about the works.. and I expect nothing but full co-operation from my staff members.

*Yeah! Right about the efficiency and did I just hear member?*

L: Oh Sir - you are so profound. But I would like to differ on your view about the staff size. I would think that a minimum size - call it optimum - is essential to keep day to day activities running. After all, If you take me up on your staff, I would also double up as a ..

*Double up?? - wow! Is this a job interview or some kind of double entendre winner-takes-it-all game?* * Or is it some kind of covert recruitment for umm particularly questionable activities* - At any rate, I sure remember my Forsyth [or Harold Robbins] hehe*

G: Hmm I see. So you prefer the staff matters in a rigid vein don't you? I mean you just said you were flexible and now..*raises eyebrow*

L: Well Sir, if you want my hands anywhere near your staff, I thought it would be a good idea to let you know that I am top notch at my job and I'd like to be on top of things. And yes about the staff - it was just an opinion. However, in the past, I have worked on staff sizes that were small and honestly their output didnt measure up to expectations..Nevertheless I would like to hear more about your staff. I have worked with staffs of varying sizes so I just wanted to size yours up .. for lack of a better word you know...

G: Very well said. Well My entire staff is skilled, loyal, well endowed - basically - the perfect example of well oiled machinery.Okay L - you have the job. And just hear? I am going to make you see my staff, experience !! And before we get to work - I'll get you acquainted with my staff. Let's hope you like what you see.

*At this point, I beat a hasty retreat from the scene - of course "doubled up" :P*

PS - This is entirely a work of fiction and I have nothing against any profession whatsoever - including, but not limited to, secretaryship or its kind. Any view expressed here is the authors desperate attempt to appear smart and humourous and is in no way derision of any kind, actual or perceived. The readers (if any) are requested to exercise caution while going through the writeup and are advised to be considerate with the author for while writing this, the author was sleep and food deprived and was feeling generally lost.

--Kartik.